S2 Episode 11

[deanna_nwosu]: you are all in for a treat today experienced junkies i have with me amber fortier of embody me live com while amber is young in years she’s very old in wisdom and knowledge at the tender age of nineteen amber left behind everything she knew i the us and headed to the other side of the world new zealand after seven months of exploring the country in a camper van she set off to a variety of other countries finding herself along the way listen in as we chat about how sometimes it takes removing yourself from the expectations of family and friends to help you define life on your own terms

[deanna_nwosu]: welcome back to experienced junkies i am so excited to have a guest here today with a great story i’m happy to welcome amber fortier a we’re going to talk about her experience kind of traveling the world from a very young age but amber it’s so great to have you here today

[amber_fortier]: yes thank you so much for having me on the podcast

[deanna_nwosu]: absolutely and amber go ahead and tell the listeners a little bit about who you are and what you do

[amber_fortier]: yes so hi everyone my name is amber i am a life and a business coach living here in sunny california and my mission is to really help people to activate their gifts and what they’re passionate about and make it a profitable lifestyle and career for themselves

[deanna_nwosu]: i i love that you said activate your gifts so kind of amplifying what you’re already good at and finding ways to monetize it that sounds wonderful

[amber_fortier]: yes ex exactly

[deanna_nwosu]: so your work is about teaching clients a little bit about how to embody themselves what does the word embodiment mean to you

[amber_fortier]: yeah so for me the word embodiment really means to step into this version of yourself that you want to be and whenever we’re working towards something or we have a goal or a big vision of our life the version of ourselves that we are right now needs to grow and be a different version to have those results so a lot of my work is really discovering okay who do you want to become the version of you who has a successful business or a thriving youtube channel or a perfect relationship how do they act what do they think what do they believe about the world and about themselves what kind of things do they do in their daily live what do they spend their time on what did they have to let go of in order to be that version and

really figuring out how to bridge that gap and step into that version of ourself already

[deanna_nwosu]: it’s really interesting because i think that’s that’s really insightful a lot of people will make plans on what they want to do so you’ll make you know goals and objectives things you want to do in your career things you want  to do with your family or finances like things you want to do like a to do list but how often do people really plan who they want to be

[amber_fortier]: i like that a two b list i’m gonna have to add that to my to my vocab but it’s so true and you know i also was that person where it’s like okay once i have a successful business then i’m gonna feel xyz or once i you know i find my soul mate then i’m gonna be happy and i’m finally gonna have the things that i want but it really works the other way around it’s like okay if i want to have a successful business how do i

need to show up if i wanna have a successful business i can’t keep saying how much i hate social media and how i don’t want to do it because the version of myself who is thriving in my business she wouldn’t have gotten there she hated it and if she wasn’t doing the damn thing so it’s all about really stepping into that version of yourself before you have those results in order for those for the things that you want to find you

[deanna_nwosu]: i heard a quote and i wish i knew who said it because i would save this but i love it but it’s basically saying that what you say is what you think and what you think is what you become so it’s it’s kind of interesting and you point out hey i can’t say that i hate social media if this is a tool i need to get to x y and z so being purposeful about not just your thoughts but what you’re actually saying so that you can kind of basically trick your mind into enjoying the experience to get um to you know your future self

[amber_fortier]: exactly and as you said you know if you feel like you hate social media the way you post the energy that you give out is gonna have that feeling of like yeah she doesn’t really want to have she doesn’t really want to do it and that’s not the energy we want to have with any area of our life whether that’s you know even another example of like a friendship if you’re like i really don’t like this friend i don’t want to hang out with them they’re gonna get that vibe and it’s not gonna be a great friendship for you so whatever it is that you want you have to make sure that your thoughts and your actions and your beliefs are aligned with the vision of what you want to create

[deanna_nwosu]: you have so much wisdom at such a young age you know you’re not even thirty yet and the things that you’re saying

[amber_fortier]: yeah

[deanna_nwosu]: you know a lot of people in their forties and fifties may realize later on life so i talked about before we kind of jumped in that you went on this amazing trip amazing journey at the age of nineteen do you feel like that experience and and definitely share kind of your high level overview of that experience with the audience but do you feel that traveling you know at the age of nineteen and leaving everything you knew at home um is got you to where you are with all these you know kind of deep thoughts that a lot of people get from many more decades of experience

[amber_fortier]: i wanna definitely say yes i’ve always been a bit of an old soul i even remember being like twelve years old giving people advice and they’re like how are you giving me like i’m a grown ass man how are you g me advice right now so in a way i’ve always just been a very wise type of person um but traveling definitely does just open up your mind to just different ways of thinking and realizing like the way that i was raised and the things that i grew up around it’s not the only way it’s not like this is a rule of how life works and i think that was the biggest eye opener for me is realizing like just because we do things like this here in california where i’m from and other parts of the world like that’s not the way they do things and sorry and it gives you a more open um yeah just a different a different viewpoint of life and in everything

[deanna_nwosu]: yeah so when you left at the age of nineteen um you talked about you sold everything

[amber_fortier]: i can

[deanna_nwosu]: and the first stop was new zealand of all places so i’m just kind of curious where are you running from something you know at home or running to something when you made this sleep and kind of talk about where you went from new zealand

[amber_fortier]: yeah so it was a little bit of a mix of both um i definitely was running away from a lot of things i had just ended a really really toxic relationship with my ex my relationship with my family was okay but like not the greatest um my best friend and i we were living together and long story sure i ended up having to sue her for like seven thousand dollars for not paying rent

[deanna_nwosu]: wow

[amber_fortier]: at all so that kind of killed that friendship as well so there was just so much going on that i was like look i want to do things with my life i’m tired of waiting for people whether it’s friends or a partner to like wanna travel with me and get their shit

[deanna_nwosu]: hm

[amber_fortier]: together so i was like you know what like i’m just gonna go off and do it on my own and that’s actually why i chose new zealand because you know i know that i’m a young woman so i wanted to make sure that i was safe um it’s an english speaking country it’s very very safe it’s known for like tra like solo travelers and backpackers so i felt that it was a good um decision for me and i also just love the outdoors and like adventure sports and things like that so it was just like the perfect combo for me to go to new zealand which was such an amazing experience i ended up being there for about seven months

[deanna_nwosu]: okay

[amber_fortier]: um and i bought a little camper van i was just living in my van traveling around being a total hippie it was so much fun and during my experience i really did so much inner work and it’s funny because now looking back on it i didn’t really realize that it was inner work at the time but now that i’ve really gotten so deep into personal development and mindset i’m like oh man that was a deep year for me that was a lot a of lot happened for me that year and it really took you know stepping away from everything that’s familiar and kind of just creating your own definition for yourself and that was just the biggest highlight of my trip

[deanna_nwosu]: so you talked about stepping away from kind of you know what was expected of you if you will um what was the difference between you know the life that you left in california and you know your family or friends expectations of who amber would be to the world versus the amber who was traveling  you know in a camper in new zealand what were the new expectations that were different than the ones you left behind in california

[amber_fortier]: that’s a really good question so back at home you know i was raised as a jehovah’s witness so very religious family and i knew from a very young age that i didn’t really wanna be in that religion and that was just really really really hard like i you know for those of you who grew up in a religious household it’s very hard to step away from that especially if you’ve been you know raised going to church three times a week for

[deanna_nwosu]: yeah

[amber_fortier]: your whole life like i would be the person knocking on your doors you know asking if you wanted a bible study and i think like growing up like we were doing like thirty hours a month every single month until i turned eighteen and moved

[deanna_nwosu]: wow

[amber_fortier]: out of the house so so many expectations of just you know what kind of life i have to live and the kind of person that i want to be and you know all these things that i just knew at my core i’m like this is just not who i am like i’m an aquarius i’m a free

[deanna_nwosu]: yeah

[amber_fortier]: spirit i hate people telling me what to do so that was just always been such a struggle my whole life of like why do you guys keep bossing me around like let me just be free and do my own thing and just figure out myself and like what do i like what kind of you know just who i am and i really didn’t know who i was for for so long you know i feel like i had a different personality at church to different personality when i was at school with my friends like there was so many different versions of amber that i’m like wait who who am i really and going away you know there was nobody that i knew there you know nobody knew my past they didn’t know he had no expectations of me and it was so beautiful to really just have that fresh start and to kind of realize i guess it just realized how awesome

[deanna_nwosu]: yeah

[amber_fortier]: that i was um i feel like yeah i feel like as a kid you know i was always the bad

child you know like i was like there’s a there’s a there’s a a quote in the bible

 that it’s like um oh how does it go something about like the bad apple ruins a whole bunch or something like that you know and like i was always a bad apple at church like all my friends their parents were like i don’t know about this amber person like i don’t really like her she they just there was so much judgment you know and i i definitely internalize a lot of that and was like what’s wrong with me like why does everyone think i’m such a bad person

[deanna_nwosu]: yeah

[amber_fortier]: why does everyone you know have these judgments about me like i think that i’m a pretty good person like why does everyone feel this way about me and when  started traveling and realizing like weight i’m actually the bon people love to hang out with me i’m having so much fun people are like oh my god you’re

[deanna_nwosu]: yeah

[amber_fortier]: so awesome like it was just such a liberating experience to really just be able to be my foolish authentic self

[deanna_nwosu]: it’s so interesting because i didn’t grow up joe wasn this but i am a christian and was raised in the christian household and even though it’s slightly different than the jehovah’s witness i was at church a lot growing up and i wouldn’t say that it was a bad experience um i’m still in my faith to this day but what you kind of mentioned it was interesting about you being like the bad child i think i experienced it from the opposite perspective of being the good child but that can be oppressive too um you  know i struggled a lot with kind of always presenting that perfectionism on the outside i struggled with people pleasing a lot and just you know smiling and nodding to things that i didn’t really accept internally and for me i think the birth out of that was getting divorced and divorce is not really um i mean it happens in christian churches but it’s definitely looked down upon and not really common and so going through that experience you know it helped me shed some of the fear

[amber_fortier]: oh my

[deanna_nwosu]: of people seeing the authentic be and people

 ,

[amber_fortier]: yeah

[deanna_nwosu]: seeing my flaws and imperfections and while i am still in the faith what it looks like is different than it was back then in the um my experience with church and church members is different than it was back then so i can appreciate that there’s that parallel even for people that stay in a spiritual community you might have to define as an adult what it looks like for you versus what it was dictated to you

 as a kid

[amber_fortier]: yes and that’s so key you know i feel like being able to have the freedom to say like what does this mean to me like how does this make me feel what is my relationship with god instead of you have to do this it needs to look like that i kind of felt very much like that at least in my own

[deanna_nwosu]: yeah

[amber_fortier]: experience and it was very like just suffocating i felt very suffocated for so long so it was so liberating to just be able to be free and to have fun and to just you know just be completely on your own especially at nineteen i just had moved out the house i’d been you know i did a year

[deanna_nwosu]: yeah

[amber_fortier]: in college and that was just the perfect time for me to really kind of step into that next version of myself

[deanna_nwosu]: it’s interesting you’ve talked that you know you left a lot behind physically when you you know sold everything and left california but you kind of left an old version of amber in the u s when you started traveling abroad and i’m just curious have you found that any aspects of the old u really were true to you and they survived that rebirth and you know are still part of you today

[amber_fortier]: a hundred percent i feel like you know at my core i’m still the same person except i just give a lot less like instead of trying to cover

[deanna_nwosu]: yeah

[amber_fortier]: it up or like ooh i have to be this way i am just so raw and authentic and it’s like if you don’t vibe with me like this goes for like family friends anyone that knows me like look if you don’t vibe with me

[deanna_nwosu]: yeah

[amber_fortier]: that’s cool i vibe with myself and like you can go do your thing like i am not bothered about your opinion of me anymore and

[deanna_nwosu]: absolutely

[amber_fortier]: yeah like what vers you know definitely a lot of versions of myself died or that i left behind but a lot of who i always had been was still there i just kind of allowed myself to let it be free without worrying about you know what is everyone gonna think how are they gonna judge me what are you know all these things that we kind of sometimes think about i was able to just let that go and i guess i call in my call in my tribe of people who are you know like my my sole family

[deanna_nwosu]: yeah yeah absolutely and in going back to your trip and your in your journey you  know traveling the world at a young age it’s not really atypical there’s a lot of people that may take a gap year or just may travel you know in between university and going out into the work community but i’m just kind of curious you came from it you came out of that experience with a lot of learnings you know and you talked about having an  old soul but even still a lot more wisdom than i think the typical young backpacker may have so how would you say your journey may have differed from others that may set out on you know these world travels you know at in their late teens early twenties

[amber_fortier]: yeah you know i think for me that’s a good question you know it’s hard to say because i haven’t had the experience of anyone else but you know a lot of the backpackers that i meet you know it’s more just like a fun trip they’re going to to have fun to explore and for me i really set my intention of like i want to find myself i wanna figure my sh out i wanna come back home a different person and that was actually like the intention i set out from the beginning and i think because i already had that in mind um my subconscious mind was like okay cool she’s what she  wants a transformation like we’re gonna give her a transformation and was kind of you know putting things along my path that will help that kind of come into fruition

[deanna_nwosu]: yeah i was just writing down you talked about setting your intentions on what you : wanted to get from it and so how did your intentions kind of guide your your decisions about where you went next how long you stayed a place and what you got out of each location you went to

[amber_fortier]: mm that’s a really good question  um you know looking back it’s funny i haven’t reflected on this much that was like already five years ago um but i really you know i guess i didn’t know it at the time but i was just listening to my intuition i wasn’t really you know i didn’t know a lot about the new aid

[deanna_nwosu]: yeah

[amber_fortier]: spirituality and intuition all that kind of stuff but looking back i would just be  like okay what do i wanna do and that was really the first time that i was just by myself i didn’t have a boyfriend i didn’t have friends with me you were like what do you want to do always you know like you have to ask everyone else so it was my first time of just like i wake up in the morning and i’m like don’t want to stay here do i want to drive and go somewhere else and really that helped me to just step into my feminine energy and  just learn to just go with the flow and because of that i was so open to different experiences i was open to so many amazing things that that have happened you know so for example i was  meeting these people and i’m like yeah you know i want some kind of new year plans but i just wasn’t sure what i wanted to do and they’re like yeah we’re going to

this festival you should join us and cool i’ll go to this festival and at this festival i ended up meeting my husband there and so many amazing things unfolded from that because i was just in a space of being open to what came and just realizing like you know the people that i meet let’s just it in a way it was almost like having

[deanna_nwosu]: oh okay

[amber_fortier]: a yes here like whenever something came my way that i was like that sounds fun yeah i’ll do it that’ sounds interesting okay i was just saying yes to everything

and because of that so many just incredible things came my way

[deanna_nwosu]: wow you know what i really appreciate is um when i’m giving advice whether it’s solicited or unsolicited to young people that are you know graduating high school or graduating college i really try to impart on them like this is a special time

 in your life you don’t have children you don’t have a spouse you don’t have uh a mortgage and all these responsibilities you also probably don’t have money but you don’t have a lot of things that might weigh you down later on in life and so yeah i love that you like you said follow that intuition and let yourself be open to experiences because it’s such a unique point in your  life where you’re young enough and you’re healthy enough that you can do a lot of that maybe as you get older and um you may have more financial freedom you might have children or you might have health issues you might have you know maybe you’re taking care of parents or other family members so yeah it’s such a special time in life that you you should really put yourself first it’s the key point in life

[amber_fortier]: like

[deanna_nwosu]: to be selfish and that’s what i really try to impart on you know those young individuals and so my question to you is if you were talking to eighteen nineteen  year old amber today you know the one that hadn’t left hadn’t yet left california

and everything behind what would you tell that young lady knowing what you know  now

[amber_fortier]: do all the crazy things you want to do like if you have an idea that just sounds bat crazy just do it like what do you

[deanna_nwosu]: yeah

[amber_fortier]: have to lose i would say stop waiting around for people i’ve always kind of been a go getter like if i want something i’m gonna

[deanna_nwosu]: yeah

[amber_fortier]: make it happen i i just do whatever i want but for a long time i was like oh i

 want to travel but i wanted to wait for my friends to come with me or i wanted to

you know i i guess i was kind of scared to do things by myself and i was scared to  really be alone and be like fully independent i even remember being in high school  like me and my friends we would like walk each other to class we would beat to lunch together walk into school together so we always had someone and i think as you get older and your friendships sometimes start to dissolve and you start to you know end up going your different paths learning to be independent and do

 things on your own is going to help you go so far in your life so that’s the that’s the advice that i would give to myself or anyone who’s young

[deanna_nwosu]: i remember talking to a former coworker years ago and i said something off handed  like i’m gonna go to the movies today and she was married with with young kids and  i had kids i wasn’t married at the time she said by yourself i’m like yeah i want

 to go to the movies and it was such a novel concept i’m still friends with her to this day so she hears this she’ll laugh but she’s just like i would never do something like that and i’m like w i’m not going to wait around for someone to go  with me for one and sometimes there’s things that i like that i know family riends significant other they don’t like so i’m just gonna enjoy it by myself as

 opposed to dragging them along with me and they’re kind of begrudgingly sitting  there and i’m you know upset at them because they’re ruining my experience right  so i think it’s a really key thing

[amber_fortier]: yeah

[deanna_nwosu]: you pointed is like not waiting around for your friends or your family to co sign

 the things that you want to do if there’s something you want to do and there’s is no one else that wants to experience it with you like do it

[amber_fortier]: and sorry something else to add before you move on to that as well is like once you learn to be your own best friend your standards go through the roof and that

 was the biggest thing for me i’ve always been such a giver such a people pleaser  like always giving a hundred and ten percent for friends who just take

[deanna_nwosu]: yeah

[amber_fortier]: advantage of me and never even give me anything in return so after i came back for  my trip i really realized like if you are really not reciprocating the same energy that i would give to you i’d rather be by myself i’m cool being on my own and that goes with friendships relationships like literally anyone and when you learn to

 just be happy by yourself then then you’re gonna be a bit pickier with who you let into your circle

[deanna_nwosu]: yeah

[amber_fortier]: and i feel like so many that’s where so many problems start with a lot of people

 is like settling for bad relationships or you know feeling like i’m not good enough so i should just accept where i’m at and be happy with who i’m with and i’m happy that i’ve got some kind of friends even though deep down i don’t really like them so becom you know becoming your own best friend is just such a flex it’s it’s so beneficial

[deanna_nwosu]: it’s the ultimate flex absolutely and

[amber_fortier]: yeah

[deanna_nwosu]: so what i was going to ask you is we’ve talked a lot about being open and you know how you kind of said you had a yes year um but what i really appreciated when you talked about how you decided on new zealand um you mentioned you know i’m a single woman i’m young and new zealand is relatively safe and you know a lot of backpackers go there because it’s safe for solo travelers it’s a really good environment and community for that so how do you balance that yanang between being  adventurous and saying yes but also like safety responsibility and still being a smart traveler or just a smart you know uh young woman going about the world

[amber_fortier]: yeah i think i was definitely raised thankfully to be like just an independent woman and take care of yourself and i you know i’m very grateful that i’m just very smart with things like my my mom was actually she works for the csi so she

[deanna_nwosu]: oh wow

[amber_fortier]: does a lot of crime scenes and things like that so she she sees a lot of stuff and she always like as you know when you when you’re young i’m like stop telling me you

[deanna_nwosu]: right

[amber_fortier]: all these horror stories but at the same time i am so aware of my surroundings i’m so aware of like i’m just smart and even when i go out like i have no problems going out by myself but i also know like watch your dreams delic i’m just very smart about what i do so always making sure like you’re having fun but you’re still being responsible you’re letting people know where

[deanna_nwosu]: yeah

[amber_fortier]: you are you have you know those people that you trust like i didn’t have the greatest relationship with my family when i left so they weren’t really keeping tabs on me but i did have a really close cousin who i was like hey i’m hanging out with these people here’s

[deanna_nwosu]: yeah

[amber_fortier]: my location just in case and thankfully i never needed anything i always kind of like just trust my intuition when it comes to like if i meet someone and they give me just any kind of weird vibes i know that i can just say no and be like actually

[deanna_nwosu]: oh

[amber_fortier]: i’m busy but then i also know like okay you give me like a good feeling and i feel like i can trust you and kind of rolling with that as well um so yeah i guess i’m very i don’t know i don’t know if everyone has a good compass when it comes to you  know knowing what’s safe and what’s not but i i’ve been very lucky throughout my life

[deanna_nwosu]: yeah i i think it’s a good reminder i think there’s this kind of stereotype that

 kids that are backpackers or you know young solo traveling women you’re kind of so carefree oh it’s fine you might be a little naive but i love that you kind of  talked about yeah i can be open and adventurous with experiences but still be

smart about it still you know be aware of my surroundings my mom taught me that at a young age too kind of like that have your head on a swim and and know what’s going

[amber_fortier]: yeah

[deanna_nwosu]: on you know now that i’m a mom i’ve got the eyes of my back of my head too but yeah just know who you’re with know what you’re doing to you know be aware like be  present um and i will say too

[amber_fortier]: yes

[deanna_nwosu]: a lot of and i won’t even just say younger people because people my age are guilty of it too but um having cell phones can be the biggest detriment to that especially when you’re traveling and you may be using it for directions or for  translation but if you are looking at that screen it takes a lot of awareness away  from the situation around you so i love that you kind of address that you were adventurous in a safe way

[amber_fortier]: and i love how you said being present i didn’t even think about that but that that was also such a great thing when

[deanna_nwosu]: mhm

[amber_fortier]: traveling abroad is like i don’t know i feel like even now that i’m that i’m back home it’s so easy to just get into your

[deanna_nwosu]: yeah

[amber_fortier]: routine you know you go to work you go to your grocery store everything starts to kind of almost feel like you’re an autopilot and when you’re somewhere new and you’re traveling like you are just so in the present moment absorbing everything and the sounds and the people and like everything is so

[deanna_nwosu]: yeah

[amber_fortier]: interesting and like so fun um and that year was the first year really like didn’t fool detox on my social media i stopped using it as much i actually didn’t have internet access for like parts of my trip cause i’m

[deanna_nwosu]: yeah

[amber_fortier]: out in the wilderness and stuff which was really nice of course um and just yeah

 knowing how to be present and really enjoy exactly where you’re at right now

[deanna_nwosu]: that’s what this show is all about that’s what experienced junkies the essence of it is being present in the moment making those memories but also being so aware of your surroundings that they’re kind of burned in your memory bank for the future and you can kind of call back on them you know rough times hard times or you know times when you can’t go out and travel or do those things you can at least kind of tap into those memories of the experiences you have had

[amber_fortier]: hm i love that

[deanna_nwosu]: well this this has been a great conversation i’ve loved having you on amber um  before we go i always ask every guest this question and you know after our

conversation you know reflecting back on this experience reflecting back on kind  of your journey thus far if you had to pick a song to convey that what would it be and why

[amber_fortier]: so the song i would choose is called good life by zuu it’s spelled z h u and it’s such a beautiful song and it’s basically about yeah living in the present  moment enjoying and being grateful for everything that you have in your life and really just yeah just being being happy with where you are that was actually a song i would play every single morning when i was on my trip to new zealand that was like part of my morning ritual like put that

[deanna_nwosu]: yeah

[amber_fortier]: song on light some instances meditate for a bit so it always gets me feeling really good

[deanna_nwosu]: talk about setting intentions with with music and and the vibe for each day well before we sign off amber let everyone know where they can find you on the inter webs

[amber_fortier]: yeah so you can find me online um on my instagram it’s amber j four t it’s spelled a m b e r j f o r t i e r um and my website is www dot embody me dot live so that’s where you can find me online

[deanna_nwosu]: wonderful and we’ll have all that information in the show notes for listeners so

definitely check out amber follow her on social after this episode it has been great talking with you today friend so happy to have you and have a great rest of your day

[amber_fortier]: thank you